One of the most fundamental concepts in human relationships is reciprocation, which is essentially, one person repaying what someone else has given them.
It is the basis of every human interaction: you like me and I like you, I give you three shirts and you give me a goat, you give me a hamburger today and I will gladly pay you Tuesday. It’s also based on a high level of trust and the assumption that everyone in society will play by the same rules.
There are three reasons reciprocation can be exploited, causing us to do things we otherwise might not.
- ● First, because it’s integral to successful cooperation within a group, it is very powerful and can override other factors which might otherwise dictate that we not comply with a request.
- ● Second, if someone does a favor for us first, even someone we don’t like or trust, it puts us in a position of obligation which may result in our complying with a future request from that person.
- ● Third, it can result in an unequal exchange where, to relieve our feelings of obligation, we may agree to grant a request that is much larger or more demanding of us than the original favor.
In scheduling group presentations and training, one of the most common requests I receive is “bring food.” This simple request has always fascinated me because it shows just how deeply the principle of reciprocation is embedded in our collective psyche and how long we’ve been practicing it.
My guess is that it goes back to the dawn of time when small bands of humans, encountering each other, would either fight, flee, or share their possessions, principally food. Eating together could be one of the most powerful social bonding experiences we have.
What this means, in modern terms, is that a group has made a request of me: Bring food. By doing so, they get what they want: food. And I get what I want: an appreciative, receptive audience for the presentation. Imagine how many deals are closed after a good meal.
It also makes me wonder about golf. Spending half a day in the hot sun, chasing a little white ball with three other people must be a tremendously strong bonding experience, especially if everyone plays badly! After that, drinks or a meal in the club house are icing on the cake to close the deal.
The principle of reciprocation – when not misused – makes it possible for us to create relationships with prospects and clients that produce benefits for all involved.